The Border Collie Chronicles Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs; (but, without question, the bestest friends!) or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop. |
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Re-Posted August 31, 2017 Originally Posted March 15, 2012 |
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Read back through the "old" articles and you'll see this common theme in Miss Rooney's posts ... she understood that life was serious and contained some challenges ... but more importantly, she understood that Life is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY good!!! Don't spend all your time worrying and fretting ... do your best and move on!!!
(NOTE: To put this into context ... Roo got an ulcerated eye and Dr. Fish treated it and sewed her eye shut for a week. It didn't bother her at all, except for dad making fun of her. He kept making pirate jokes ... so this was her response ...)
It Ain’t Easy Being A Pirate …
Adapted by Rooney from Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia.
So, ye want ta be a pirate, eh? Well, it be more then just
talkin funny and wearin' a bird on yer shoulder, yar! Lets
be coverin' the most important bits o piracy, so ye may pillage and
plunder like a true scallywag.
Drinkin'
The most important part of piracy! Thar be much for ye to
be drinkin! Ale, grog, rum, er... well, that all be what
ye most likely to find on the high seas. Well, mainly
grog, actually. Yer captian usually be taking the good
stuff, but thar usually be enough grog! So drink! The
more ye drink the more piratey ye become! Rum be the
perfect drink for a pirate but is elusive because the other bastards
drink it and thar be where the famous pirate saying "Why is the rum
always gone?".
Tip
Tip
Fightin'
After drinkin, fightin' be one o tha most important things o' piracy. Ye
must know these simple rules o' piracy fightin'.
Tip
Booty an' Pillaging The most important thing to a pirate (next to Fightin' and Drinkin') be booty. This can come in many forms. Here be tha main two:
OK – that's enough of the pirate talk and stuff. This
little essay is just to let everyone know that .. it really ain’t easy
being a pirate! So, now you're thinking what do pirates
have to do with BC’s in West Texas … well, more than you think …
You see, I had a little eye trouble a couple of weeks ago. Mom
D took me to Dr. Fish and I got some eye drops (I don’t like
eye drops …)! Not sure if they didn’t work, or if I did
more damage, but now my eye is ulcerated! When
dad and mom D got home from helping Dick and Pat last weekend … they
immediately noticed the problem, mom D took me to Dr. Fish on Monday
morning and HE SEWED MY EYEBALL SHUT!!!! Really, he did!! No
kidding!
Anyway, dad was in EP (the pope finally responded …) and while he was
very concerned about me (Dr. Fish thinks I’ll be ok and will keep my
eyeball – but I may have to endure another week of having my eyeball
sewed shut!) he immediately began referring to me as Popeye, Ahoy Matey,
Winkey Blinkey, and other silly such names. It REALLY
ain’t easy being a pirate, but Patches is teaching me how to "just deal
with it" (at least we hope it's just temporary)!
Click on me for a bigger picture!
March 19 Update: Mom D took me back to Dr. Fish this morning. They took the stitches out and Dr. Fish seems to think I'll be ok ... I see ok, but I still have a white spot on my eye (kinda looks like a cataract, but it's not) they say it's scar tissue and it might fade a little, but I'm ok and can't wait to go swimming with Annie and Bubba - and those cats at Dr. Fish's are LUCKY that they were on my "bad eye side"!!
This articles is written in the style of the subject … It is believed to be funny because it is written in the real or imagined writing style and thought processes thereof. If you do not find it funny, it could be because it hits too close to home and you are evidently taking yourself way too seriously. If you still do not find the article funny, that is probably because a joke loses its humor when it has to be explained to you. Just go ahead and click that red X in the top right corner. Thank you, have a nice day! |
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