Dear Annie …

Annie receives quite a bit of correspondence from folks seeking her advice.  It seems that her “direct” responses are appreciated.  So here is a collection of responses to reader’s questions posed to our own Dear Sweet Annie (… or we might have searched out old Dear Abby’s![i])

Dear Annie:  My boyfriend is going to be 20 years old next month.  I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? — Carol
Dear Carol:  Never mind what he'd like, give him a tie.

Dear Annie:  Our son married a girl when he was in the service.  They were married in February and she had an 8 1/2-pound baby girl in August.  She said the baby was premature.  Can an 8 1/2-pound baby be this premature? — Wanting to Know
Dear Wanting:  The baby was on time.  The wedding was late.  Forget it.

Dear Annie:  Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? — Jake
Dear Jake:  Yes, and also hazardous.

Dear Annie:  I've been going with this girl for a year.  How can I get her to say yes? — Don
Dear Don:  What's the question?

Dear Annie:  I've been going steady with this man for six years.  We see each other every night.  He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage.  Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? — Gertie
Dear Gertie:  I don't know.  What's he getting?

Dear Annie:  My wife sleeps in the raw.  Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast — still in the buff.  We're newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there's really nothing wrong with it.  What do you think? — Ed
Dear Ed:  It's O.K. with me.  But tell her to put on an apron when she's frying bacon.

Dear Annie:  What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? — Bess
Dear Bess:  Night and Day.

Dear Annie:  My husband lost his wallet.  It was mailed back and I found it stuffed with snapshots of other women.  I confronted him with this evidence and he said, as a true Southern gentleman, he refused to muddy the names of the ladies in the pictures.  What can I do with this Alabama Skunk?—Myra
Dear Myra:  Cut off his hominy grits.

Dear Annie:  About four months ago, the house across the street was sold to a "father and son" — or so we thought.  We later learned it was an older man about 50 and a young fellow about 24.  This was a respectable neighborhood before this "odd couple" moved in.  They have all sorts of strange-looking company.  Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians.  Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there! ... Annie, these weirdos are wrecking our property values!  How can we improve the quality of this once-respectable neighborhood? — Up In Arms
Dear Up:  You could move. 

Dear Annie:  I joined the Navy to see the world.  I've seen it.  Now, how do I get out?
Dear Navy:  Simple.  Go to your superior officer and say these 2 words:  I'm Gay.

Dear Annie:  I don’t want to appear conceited but I’m forced to admit that I am one guy who has everything.  Women are always flocking around me and telling me how good-looking I am and what a marvelous personality I have.  I’m beginning to find this pretty annoying and extremely tiring.  I just want to live a normal quiet life.  How can I dissuade these hopeful females? - C.W.

Dear C.W.:  Keep talking.

Here are some that she REFUSED to answer:

Dear Annie:  Five years into our marriage, my wife and I took a girlfriend, “Sonya.”  I fell madly in love with her.  Unfortunately, my relationship with my wife cooled because she changed as a person.  We ended up divorcing.

Dear Annie:  A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.  Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Annie:  What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Foul Language and Violence On My VCR?